Is what I said when I first emerged on your world in whatever bygone tongue I used to communicate these words. They sounded pretty good to me at the time and I actually thought I heard them again much later, in English, as the first line in the Queen song 'Seven Seas of Rye'. As it turns out the line was something like 'Hear me, you Lords and Lady preachers' which is rubbish. It does have the same number of syllables though and does rhyme appropriately so you can see my confusion. Anyway, what happened when i delivered my opening line to the assembled humans was that they just laughed at me. In retrospect it's not really all that surprising since to human eyes I appear to have come from a planet where clowns evolved naturally albeit somewhat reptilian ones. Actually let's nail this down while we're here: What is a dragon? We may resemble reptiles but are, of course, not included in your inter-related biological matrix and are actually physiologically closer to your insects. So there. This is why I take such exception to Ku Klux Klan bigwigs calling themselves 'Grand Dragons'. They're not grand and they're definitely not dragonoid. Then nor are most of your human depictions of dragons, few of which are inanely friendly or wearing glasses. What you've got there, sunshine, is genetic memories of dinosaurs. Their misty breath on chilly Jurassic mornings like great clouds of smoke from some fire within them. You were very small and timid then and you still haven't got over the trauma of sharing this planet with giant hungry fiery lizards.
After disappointment at the lack of awe these apelings were showing to their new overlord, I reflected that the whole thing may have turned out better had I appeared in the sky before them like the mysterious balls in Rene Magritte's The Voice of the Winds which is shown above. Instead I had chosen to appear suddenly with a satisfying little 'Pop!' accompanied by a sweetly-scented powdery pinky-purple cloud. How was I to know about your gender assumptions?! On some planets all of that is seen as pretty bloody hostile. Well I'd made my bed and I was going to have to lie in it. That probably didn't make me look too threatening neither, curled up, snoozing peacefully and faintly purring to myself. It's a demonstration of contempt you idiots! By the time I woke up, everybody had lost interest and drifted off instead of bringing me their best livestock and most beloved children in a pathetic gesture of appeasement like what's supposed to happen. It seemed too much like hard work trying to impress you lot despite my ability to destroy you all very, very easily indeed. Where's the fun in that? I'm biding my time. I've got my fangs but I've also got a lot of curiosity. Be grateful. Crackers has fangs too. He may be an ankle-biter but when he's mean he's like a little pink angle-grinder working away down there.
Anyway! That's enough amazing truth for one night. Must be time for the boring political guff. How about the international drug trade bailing out the world economy? Old news. The London 2012 Olympics is turned into an impromptu arms fair. Fancy that. Vladimir Putin is President of Russia once more. Surprise Surprise. Oh can't we give it a rest? It's getting late. No! The title lists 3 things and we've only got one. Hey you never linked the newer version of the thing from that Robert Nozick guy's book. What - this? Yeh. I've long been trying to add another dimension to turn the square into a cube. Tricky though. It's got something to do with religion or how much political thinking is based on precedent or what part of the brain is mostly engaged in fixing one's political opinion. I dunno. It needs more work. Being a King Koos means it's hard for me to find a consistent position on the 2D version. I just seem to switch from one corner to another every time I run it and I think that might show that in the complete version I occupy all points simultaneously.
Hang on a mo. This is nonsense again. Still no communists! Come on, I've got Lin Baio, Joe Slovo and Karl Radek sitting here tapping their communist feet. Sorry old man. They're going to have to wait. Some of us have to work in the morning and this is just wasting everyone's time.
I can do something about fairies though. Here's another early Queen song with the lyrics that aren't really necessary. Nice to give them an embed though, for effort. While you're listening to it try to forget what a camp 70s fantasy nightmare it is and put yourself in my naive child's mind when I first heard it and thought it really was magic. My Fairy King can see things that are not there for you and me! Beautiful!
