Fickin' Funeral Shoes

I really hate these shoes. I've worn them so little that they're still as stiff and uncomfortable as one has felt on every occassion they've been employed. How long till they're used again?

At least there is new life on this planet. Properly new life. It's a mind-blowing thing and no doubt about it. Perhaps we've ordered our replacements? I believe that Craig Venter's team have encoded the organism with messages in english to other researchers. Is that right? If so it could give someone a bit of a surprise in a few million years time if in the intervening time the original human line gets erased. It seems fairly likely. I'll make sure you all get seen off ok, don't worry. I may not be much of a party animal but I always prided myself at being the last one standing, when everyone else had pissed off, passed out or paired off. Always you and me, Koo-Koo.

I've noticed he's been coming back a bit recently. Not just him but all of it. That lovely bubble that was all just my imagination. My will of iron is turning to rust and I just want to float away......one step over is all.............


We can help you!
We can help you!
We're all your friends
Won't you come on down and talk to us, son?

You must be joking!
Take a running jump!


That'll do, Pig.

Little wheel spin and spin

Remember Fay Weldon on Desert Island Discs? She's certainly an interesting person. What is reality? Good question. What I picked up on was the Koestler-esque thus:

One of Ms Weldon's discs was a country & Western trucking song called 'A Tombstone Every Mile'. A bit unexpected perhaps but it had me bouncing up and down in my van on the M60 because Fay Weldon is actually mentioned in an old-time trucking song reported in Great Bus Journeys of the World by David Stafford and Alexei Sayle albeit one about nobel prize-winner Doris Lessing who previously appeared on this blog as a fan of Olaf Stapledon who was a friend of Arthur Koestler. Who would have loved that, had he not killed himself in 1980.

Anyway this is the song:

I've got eighteen wheels on the road
Pulling down this heavy load
Baltimore to that old Pacific Sea
And when the engine stops and I take some feed
When I drink my coffee, well I like to read,
And there's only one writer means anything to me.

Doris Lessing, Doris Lessing,
She's a writer who knows all there is about trucks.
And there surely ain't no messing
When it comes to Doris Lessing,
Well, next to her them other writers sucks.

Well I tell no lie, but I'm telling you
That my daddy was a trucker too
And just before he died he said, 'My son, take heed.
Well I can't give you no advice
About whiskey, women, cards or dice
But when it comes to books there's only one to read.'

Doris Lessing, Doris Lessing,
She's a writer who knows all there is about trucks.
And there surely ain't no messing
When it comes to Doris Lessing,
Well, next to her them other writers sucks.

In a bar way down in Tonopah
Some bad guy really went too far,
Said he thought that Fay Weldon was real fine.
Like all other truck drivers' literary discussions
Well, this one ended in concussion
When I punched him clear across the county line.

Doris Lessing, Doris Lessing,
She's a writer who knows all there is about trucks.
And there surely ain't no messing
When it comes to Doris Lessing,
Well, next to her them other writers sucks.

Bigoted Women (Hail King Cam!)

I'm so going to miss Gordon Brown. Over-sensitive, paranoid, prone to angry outbursts and frankly unstable are all things that have been more truly said of me than the former Prime Minister and that's why I believe I'm much better leadership material than him. Cammers too! The fact that I spend my life in near-isolation with power only over plants and frogs is only an indication that I've chosen not to play their game and thus laugh at them in imagined lofty superiority.

Perhaps for the next election, whenever that might be, the Revolutionary Army of Crackers should put down their arms and try their hand at democratic politics. Maybe not.

Democracy converts money to power
Mao more than ever!