Ouch!

Last night I had this terrible dream where everyone I've hurt one way or other showed up and pilloried me like poor Bobby Davro. Several times I woke up filled with self-loathing and the impotent regret of knowing it's way too late to even meaningfully say sorry for all the stupid and cruel things I've said and done. Often without malicious intent but that's hardly an excuse is it? Being unpleasant through carelessness is arguably worse. I normally work quite hard at blocking this stuff out as it doesn't help one in the daily fight for survival but late on a Friday night when I'm tired and alone, my conscience has the free run to give me the kicking I deserve. I can't remember everyone who was there in these dreams and they didn't all make a lot of sense but I got the point al-right.

Shit!

What can you do? Probably not a lot. Try not to get entangled in anybody else's life too much and help those who can genuinely make the world better. Mur at Escape Pod suggested donating to Doctors Without Borders ( Medecins Sans Frontieres) in response to the awful triple tragedy that's recently happened in Japan and that's the sort of thing that puts Mr Conscience back in his box. Do that! Try to alleviate some suffering instead of causing it.

I had kind of thought that I might start improving me with this crazy project to beautify the inner city with lush green growth and colourful flowers but I've mostly just ended up getting all frustrated with vandalism and dog-shit. In reality it's gangster-territory and pleasant gardens are not particularly gangstery as it sends out all the wrong messages to all the other rival gangs. Back to the drawing board.

I do have these pretty useless visions of a future society where artificial and destructive divisions between conscious lifeforms are abolished and all pain and bad programming is eased by mutual love and understanding but my civilisation and I are so far from this that I might just as well just stop going on about it. After all, isn't it just selfish and egotistical to impose my version of this hackneyed utopia on an internet already too full of junk information? Seeing as I'm very likely to be the only person reading this cak I might as well have just put my whimsical fantasies about ancient feuding demi-gods and invented dragon religions etc on some paper or a private file and keep it to myself.

Hmmmmm....

Look Koo-Koo or whatever you're calling yourself today, you're not so bad that you've got to give up altogether. Don't do that. There's too much to do and there's those remaining hapless idiots who still like you to be cared for. They're getting quite thin on the ground and most likely they'll all be dead before you, so you can make sure to see them off OK before doing what has to be done. Keep smiling through no matter how bad it gets. Like that nice Mr Bowie says, things that happened in the past might only have happened in your head. You just keep grooving with your plant and animal friends and I'll do what I can this end to keep those intrusive thoughts from rendering us frozen with guilt like last night. Deal? Good.

Next time on The RAC blog: The Monoform. Until then watch this. It's the new vid from Gabbroboccia who's another one of those hapless idiots. He'd better not have started on my cake the greedy fucker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0Q-dX-Z_Ro